Megan Quotes

Megan Quotes
"I was in the lead in a Cole Porter musical set in 1920s Paris and I was about 30. There was this big dance number, but my costume was not made to move around in. It was made to look pretty and sit in a chair. So I'm doing this number which is like a Charleston, hopping up and down and moving my arms around. I thought, 'God, something feels odd.' I got offstage, and both of my boobs were literally on top of the costume, like they were resting on a shelf. I got a big round of applause for that."

"As far as fame goes, I guess I'm in some kind of crazy denial. Being famous has no real attraction for me; it's the work I enjoy. Whenever I'm not performing or doing something by choice, I kind of turn back into this shy girl from Northwestern."

"I had a few lessons in Oklahoma City and then in Chicago, I took a few voice lessons from a very nice man who would pull on my tongue with a metal clamp. I didn't quite know what to make of that. After that, I just relied on my own natural feel for music."

"I like to take chances, and that's the key to comedy -- dancing like an idiot but doing it with wild abandon."

On being fired from "Finding Nemo" for refusing to do her Karen voice: "I said, `Now, wait a minute, so you're telling me you want this fish who lives in a fish tank in a dentist's office to be a fictitious character from an NBC sitcom?' I mean, it just doesn't make any sense to me. It's like, why would you want Mickey Mouse to be the lead in the `House of the Seven Gables' or something.''

"I couldn't prenounce my last name until I was like 11."

Appearing on "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno": "See, I thought that Jay has had too many high class, very hoity-toity guests on this week. And I wanted to bring everything down a notch or two. "

On her new dog, Elmo: "Well, I was missing my earplugs. And the way that I found out why they're missing is because the little Elmo -- his five pounds -- came in to the bedroom and deposited something on -- he came in from outside, he put something on the rug and was going to eat it. And I walked over and it was an earplug that had already been in and back out -- and apparently so delicious ... he wanted it again!"

"One day when I'm walking and I see -- at first I thought maybe he was resting -- but I saw a big dead seal on the beach, which was really sad. However, the thing that I thought was puzzling was there was a couple, a young guy and a girl on a beach towel not 15 feet from this big dead mammal, and I look up and they're waving at me, like, 'Isn't it a pretty day?' And I'm like, 'There's a big dead seal right there.' They're putting on lotion. It was just bizarre. And, curtain. I just didn't want to be at the beach anymore."

On the gayest thing in her home: "My off-white poodle. She doesn't consider herself to be gay, but I have my hunch."

"So I light the fire with the lighter and then I'm like, 'Now, how am I going to light the candles?' And I'm racing through the house, tearing open drawers and throwing things out of closets, looking for matches ... and I had just lit the fire with the thing!!! And then I was like, 'How did I light the fire?' So then l took the thing and lit the candles."

"I'm going to climb up this ladder, you understand, to this gate that's like this high and I'm going to pass two dogs and some bags and myself over the thing into a cab driver's arms. THAT's my plan!"

"My best friend was at the grocery store standing behind these two guys in line, and one of the guys told the other that I was a man. He said, 'If you look closely, you can tell that she is,' and the other guy was like, 'Oh, my God! Now that you mention it, she is a man!'. So I'm denying that I'm a man."

"I should have my 'girl citizenship' revoked. I never get facials. I never get my nails done. I'm so busy."

"I like looser clothes, which always prompts my mom to say something classic like, 'You have such a darling figure - show it off more!'"

"One tabloid had an article about how I was an irresistible sex- and man-magnet and how men flock to me. Of course, they were absolutely correct..."

"I am terrified of mayonnaise. It was so bad when I was little that my friends would chase me around the house with a jar of mayonnaise and a knife."

On sudden fame: "I've been going to the same grocery store for 13 years, and all of a sudden one day everybody was like, 'Oh, my God...'"

"You don't need someone else's approval to do what you want; just figure it out and do it, damn it!"

"I'm really good at staying home all day in my pajamas because I had a [dad] who did that."

"Two days ago, I dreamt I married a 5-year-old boy. He treated me like a queen and was perfectly lovely. We took a driving trip for our honeymoon. Then it dawned on me: 'Oh my God! He doesn't have a driver's license! We could get arrested!'"

"If I weren't an actress playing a socialite, I'd have lavender hair, wear crappy vintage clothes and have tattoos. I'd be some kind of crazy lawless rebel - an alternative underground riot girl."

"People see you one way and think, 'That's not her real thing, she's just putting that on now.' But that is! That's where my creativity really resides. Where it all springs. My characters are really bizarre. They're kind of dark and not really considered great people. It all comes from the same dark place it's just filtered through comedy."

"A lot of people come up to me and say, 'Oh God, I'm just like Karen, that's what they [tell me] at the office'. I'm like, 'You know what? The people in your office may not be giving you a compliment. You may be getting fired soon.'"